Just ruminating on some past ex girlfriends I had and the experiences, which have now been colored with my ‘new’ manosphere education gives me some new insight. When I was younger, I read up on all sorts of pop culture bullsh!t in order to keep the women in my life happy with me so that they would want to be with me.
It worked like a lead balloon…I know you are all surprised.
However, now that I have a few more years under my belt, some stark realizations have stood out to me. Damn, hindsight is 20/20 and I have to shake my head at the reality of how useful game is, and how education in women’s thought processes is crucial to men seeking monogamy. Heck, knowing how woman think can help a dude NOT get dumped if that is what they so choose.
Anyone who is familiar with the manosphere understands that women seek Alpha men, confident, no nonsense men who don’t take sh!t, namely a woman’s sh!t. They also want a man to bring home the bacon, to be able to take care of them over the long haul. Well, years ago I had one girlfriend (ex#1 for the sake of ease) who I won’t lie, was quite a bit different that I was. She was what we called a ‘Rock-On’ back in those days, as she was a hardcore fan of groups like Slayer, Svengali, and Def Leopard. Quite a departure for a black man huh, and yes, she was white. We had dated three different times over a span of about 10 years, the first as highschool juniors, and the last being about a year before I met my wife. I couldn’t figure out her behavior, as it seemed that she had this ‘now I want you, now I don’t’ sort of thing going on, but why was it that she always wanted to come back?
Now, I was knee deep in manginaness so I was at a loss as to why she would approach me, discuss a relationship…and then leave shortly after as I though I was being so nice to her (cough). The last time I saw ex#1, she was with a much older man, who looked like he had lived a very ‘hard’ life and was driving a very old Ford Tempo. While I considered myself a much better catch than this guy, there was no question that he took little to no sh!t in his life from anyone. I shook my head at the time, and wondered why on God’s Green Earth she would be so much ‘happier’ with a guy like that over me (because I won’t lie, she was hot) and what did I do wrong?
Now I know, ex#1 didn’t have much of a father in her life. She lived in an apartment that her mother paid for, but she was rarely ever there. For some reason, whatever reason, it seemed to me that ex#1 seemed to recognize that I would be supportive for the long haul…but my extreme beta-ness turned her off. I can think back to some situations which I now realize where sh!t tests, and I now realized that I failed them horribly. As for this latest bf, maybe this guy was an unsuccessful Alpha, but he was Alpha nonetheless and there was no mistaking it and of course, her being outspoken and strong willed, she needed someone to ‘take charge’.
Hmm, the lessons we learn huh?
As for Ex#2, she was my first (and last) black partner and a source of a good amount of education on women and how they think in retrospect. I met her when I was in my early 20’s and we where a couple for almost 6 years. We broke up just before I dated ex #1 and about a year before I met my wife. When we met, I was making decent money and I had no issue being the ‘money man’ to her and her brood (dumb I know…now). Well, hard times hit, and I went from being the ‘Money Man’ to the broke as @#$@ man. Guess who had to ‘man up’?
Guess what then happened to our relationship?
Looking back was I confident and took charge in changing my life? Nope, I did what a man who is supposed to be in charge ISN’T supposed to do. I shrank into a little ball of fear and repeatedly asked her not to leave me. After all I’ve read on the manosphere, I realize that this behavior repulsed her in ways that I cannot imagine. She was in her late 20’s at the time, and still had some relative Sexual Market Value left in her tank, which she decided to leverage in order to ‘trade up’. I was then left in the dirt, still reeling from the whole experience and once again wondering what it was that I had done wrong.
I had Beta’d my way out of a relationship, is what. I just had no clue at the time.
I remember reading a comment on sosuave.net about women, that if as a man, you lose your earning potential, you do have some time to reclaim it, but only so long and the clock is ticking.
If you don’t reclaim it in short order…it’s curtains for you my boy.
Do I hate my exes for what happened? I used to, but now I realize that they, like many other women, and even like me and all men on this planet, were simply following their biological imperatives. It was I who was approaching things the wrong way at the time, and these lessons serve to show me that what peeps are saying on the manosphere isn’t simply some bullsh!t that is meant to make men feel good about the current state of affairs. I would state that for any Beta man, learning game is crucial, and understanding the psychology of women is imperative if you seek any sort of relationship with them.
These women where simply following the patterns laid out by the likes of Roissy and at the time…so was I as a hapless Beta. I lived and learned with relatively little scarring, and one point I will stress, do not take what is said on the manosphere lightly, these where simply past relationships for me which I survived through which could help anyone willing to listen. If this where someone’s marriage, as a man the prognosis of the relationships dissolution may not be so painless and the effects on their life after the fact, not so short-lived.
Knowing is indeed half the battle.