Today was very hard and very long.
Er…I mean it was very difficult and didn’t seem like it would ever end. However, this day was especially draining for two reasons, both of them being the same reasons in actuality. You see, I had a chance to have two different heart to hearts with two buddies going through a tumultuous time in their respective marriages. “WL” came back to the bar for the first time, and during the day, I had a chance to meet another friend, ‘M’ at one of the facilities I service at my fulltime job.
Let me ask you one very important thing; have you ever seen a grown man cry? Have you ever seen a man, fight his hardest to make sure that he doesn’t cry in front of you?
I will tell you one very significant thing; just watching these two men relate their tales of woe while you watch their eyes as they water ‘due to the smoke’ makes me want to simply just lash out in anger for the system, which has enslaved them in this manner. “WL” was told by the Justice of the Peace presiding over his case that the system has gotten far too sensitive in terms of the rules of assault against women, and he sees far too many men standing before him because their wives called the cops for an issue which didn’t exist. A shove, even if getting an irate woman out of your personal space, is considered ‘too much’ and can land you in the same hot water that filling her face repeatedly would.
I sat in my truck not even an hour ago, as I watched WL relate to me how he does want to go home and see his kids. How he will be spending a little time with them this weekend as they haven’t seen him in a while, but he wonders how he will react. I watched, as his eyes got watery as he talked about Christmastime, and what would he do if he didn’t get to go back and see his kids at that special time of year. When he was done, he walked into a coffee shop to wait for 20 or so minutes so he can walk 45 minutes to catch the 1st bus to Toronto, at around 5:00am so he can take another bus to a city an hour past Toronto, and then take yet another bus to the city in which he temporarily lives.
He figures that he should be in bed by 9:30 am.
The guy is a bloody machine; I wish I had the space to give to him.
You see, he has been charged with assault, and as such, he must stay 500 feet from his wife at all times. This means that he can’t come close to his family if his wife is around, for ‘her’ safety of course.
I actually got an update that his wife wants to repeal the charge, now it’s out of her hands, and she has no choice in the matter any longer.
Hmm, cause and effect? Good thing to learn isn’t it?
However, earlier that day, I had to talk to my friend M and hear his story. M’s mother was sick from late last year, and he wanted to be able to have his mom live with him so he could keep an eye on her. His wife wouldn’t allow it and she was backed by her mother so M was basically in a corner. Yeah, well M’s mother died not too long ago, the funeral was on Labor Day. Do you think that his wife supported him in any way?
Nah, she just took the time to drive to her mother’s and spit venom about how M was so selfish and no longer taking care of her needs. I know it’s getting colder these days, but I had to wonder why M seemed to have the sniffles so early in fall. Then I took a look at his eyes and realized that he was doing his best not to break down in front of me, his voice cracking a few times.
Men are strong, damn strong, but while it’s upsetting to see a woman cry, it’s devastating to see a man cry. You know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it takes tremendous pressure to make a man, who has the tensile strength of a bridge cable, break from strain.
I saw it twice today, and it made me see red.
These men aren’t just husbands, but fathers as well, and instead of respect, they get contempt, and disregard for their feelings. WL’s wife is feeling the effects of her poor choice, but I will also tell you this, do you think she has apologized for this action? Nope, just tells WL that she feels bad enough about this situation. He even said himself about her, it’s all; ME, ME, ME.
Where is a man’s support system? Who do men go to when they need bolstering up, a shoulder to lean on? What can we do?
Oh yeah, that’s right; simply and silently march onto the showers like we have been ordered…the showers with NO water just like in Auschwitz.
Women will indeed miss it when fathers are a rare commodity, too bad they will only learn this once they are virtually gone!!